RIPPLES
OF RELATIONSHIP

At its core, Restorative Justice defines justice as honouring the inherent worth of all human beings regardless of who they are or what they do. It accepts that people are relational beings whose well-being is nurtured or diminished through our interconnectedness. It is a framework for understanding how we live together in community. As such, RFNL understands justice to be the core of community, education, as well as the judicial context.

 

This Ripples of Relationships diagram illustrates relational connections in the context of a school. Here, an educator’s relationships within the whole and how core beliefs begin by affecting the relationship with self. Our relationship with self then affects all our other relationships. As leaders, when educators honour and respect themselves as having dignity, they can then engage in healthy relationships with others, their tasks, and their contexts. A similar diagram could be created for the students, the parents, and the broader school community.This brief informational video applies theory and philosophy to principles and practice of Restorative Justice in Education.(Source: Pidgeon, M. (2016). More than a checklist: Meaningful Indigenous inclusion in higher education. Social Inclusion,4(1), 77–91.)

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Indigenous Wholistic Framework

 

At RFNL we continually try to grow our understanding of relationship. We are always trying to further understand how we know each other through each other.

 

In this time in history, it is helpful to reflect on Michelle Pidgeon's Indigenous Wholistic Framework. Pidgeon (2016) says that this diagram "represents for me, as a person of Mi'kmaq ancestry a way of centering who I am... This Framework connects not only the philosophical underpinnings of Indigenous knowledges but attempts pictorially to represent the complexity of wholistic interconnections that we have as individuals, to our communities, nations, and global communities" (p. 80).

 

In all aspects of society, Restorative Justice requires that we focus on relationships before rules and behaviour, on people before policies, on honouring before measuring, and on well-being before success. RFNL focuses first on education recognizing that the work done in educational institutions/organizations can serve as a model for all others. This occurs through a stance where educators turn from judgement to a sense of wonder and curiosity allowing education to be proactive, rather than reactive, with pedagogy that is consistently rooted in respect, concern, and dignity through relationships. We strive to ensure that these things permeate every aspect of society so that they do not become siloed, and we can nurture relationality.

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Relationship With Self

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f our goal is to improve relationships with others, we begin with the relationship we have with ourselves. This is a very difficult process. We often overlook this crucial relationship without realizing that it is the foundation upon which all other relationships are built. To improve the relationship with self, we honour our true self each day by aligning our actions with our values. Discovering our core values is the first step in this process.

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Think of someone you would miss if they were no longer in your life. What would you miss about them? Make a list. These qualities indicate your core values. What do you need from others to be your best self? List them. These qualities also indicate your core values.

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Now that we know what is most important to our self, we work to ensure our actions reflect this priority. When our actions and values are not aligned, the relationship we have with our self is not whole. We can learn to analyze the intentions behind our actions in order to deliberately honour our core value. To do this, we reflect on our interactions daily- digging deep to uncover our motivations. At times this comes easily, requiring us to stop and quickly reflect upon an interaction. If we discover that we did not uphold our values through our actions, we commit to taking different actions in future situations. Only then will we be truly honouring ourselves.

The process of reflecting can be challenging. As humans, conflict with our self and others is expected. Struggling to find the best path is a part of life for everyone. Emotions may cloud our understanding of an interaction such that we find it difficult to discern why we acted in a certain way. This is when an internal dialogue can be helpful.

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Think of an argument you have had with a family member or co-worker which did not come to a true resolution. It may have ended with you both agreeing to disagree, or it may have ended in discontent.

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Ask yourself the following restorative justice questions regarding this interaction:

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• What happened?

• What were/are you thinking?

• What were/are you feeling?

• What’s been the hardest thing for you?

• Who has been impacted? How?

• What do you need [to do] in order to go on?

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Relationship With Colleagues

 

The ability for each member to value all other team members, despite their differences, is the bedrock upon which a solid team is built. Embracing restorative justice as an organization will help colleagues recognize each member as worthy contributors. Through a restorative justice lens we can learn to circumvent our negative reaction to difference. When we are faced with a colleague whose opinions, actions and practices conflict with our own, we can learn to become more accepting. We can be taught to reflect and think these key questions:

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Am I honouring?
Am I measuring?
What message am I sending?

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Keeping these three simple questions in mind when we are interacting with colleagues will encourage us to be our best self and take responsibility for our actions rather than resort to blaming. When each member of a team is actively being their best, harmony is more readily achieved.

The relationships we are engaged in with our colleagues will set the tone for our work environment. However, conflict and personal struggles are a part of the human condition. If discord exists among two or more colleagues, it will inevitably be felt by the whole team. Considering the range of personalities and backgrounds which come together to create a complete organization, it is unlikely all members will harmonize unconsciously. The solution to this difficulty is not to create a homogeneous grouping; rather the solution lies in acceptance. We should encourage members to accept their differences through active intervention strategies. Diverse groups of people are known to create the most productive and effective teams. Thus, fostering harmony will lead to a stronger team.

In instances where harm has occurred among members of a team, overcoming the incident and achieving harmony requires effort. After an altercation among colleagues, all parties involved can be helped by simply being offered an opportunity to be heard. Through a formal talking Circle, members can come to see each other as worthy and they can find a way to repair the damage which was caused. Leaders lead well when they provide the space for this to occur. During a talking Circle affected parties are asked the following Restorative Justice questions:

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• What happened?

• What were/are you thinking?

• What were/are you feeling?

• What’s been the hardest thing for you?

• Who has been impacted? How?

• What do you need [to do] in order to go on?

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The answer to the final question [“What do you need in order to go on?”] provides a next step for healing. This step varies greatly depending upon the harm experienced. Parties tend to leave a talking Circle feeling a sense of resolution and the ability to put the harm behind them in order to begin to heal the relationship that was damaged.

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Relationship With Youth

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We all have a deep need for belonging. This is especially evident among youth. Youth learn a great deal from the interaction they have with their peers in a classroom and in other youth-based organizations. This interaction is as varied as the youth themselves. It is among their peers that youth will experiment with different routes to navigate issues of isolation, inadequacy and other social struggles. This experimentation does not always result in socially acceptable solutions. Though conflict with others and our self is a part of being human, such student-learned solutions can be harmful to themselves and to their peers.

To proactively engage with this issue, we can offer direct instruction which teaches youth to navigate their social world with others harmoniously. Everyone has the capacity to improve upon their social skills so that they are better prepared to deal with the issues that inevitably arise.

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To teach social skills, we need to provide a safe space for youth to be social. Again a talking Circle is ideal for this. All people seek connection with others. We want to be accepted by others for who we are. The first step towards encouraging acceptance in our classrooms and organizations is creating a safe space for everyone to contribute. Leaders can facilitate Circles daily as a means to encourage acceptance among peers, despite their differences. When structured properly, a talking Circle will allow youth to develop positive relationships with their peers. They will be encouraged to consider and learn to ask themselves the following questions that encourage reconnecting with beliefs about human worth and interconnection before going into Circle dialogue:

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• Am I honouring?

• Am I measuring?

• What message am I sending?

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In a talking Circle, participants learn to talk about their specific needs and feelings in order to uncover their motivations and ultimately ways to resolve tension and conflict.

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When talking Circles are used frequently in the classroom and in other youth organizations, youth are better prepared to utilize skills they develop in Circle when conflict arises in order to respond to the harm. During a talking Circle after harm, instead of discussing wrongdoing, rule breaking and punishment, the Circle will help to answer the following Restorative Justice questions:

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• What happened?

• What were/are you thinking?

• What were/are you feeling?

• What’s been the hardest thing for you?

• Who has been impacted? How?

• What do you need [to do] in order to go on?

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This allows those who have caused harm to reflect on and realize why their actions should be changed. Allowing all parties to share their story encourages youth to see their peers as worthy and understand the effect their actions have on others. This space can provide justice for those who have been wronged in that their needs are met so that they may be able to fully move on after an instance of harm. This is crucial in issues of bullying which have become commonplace in schools and other youth-based organizations today.

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